can u get pink eye on your cock?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
