Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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