Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
