the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
