I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
