He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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