You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize