I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
