I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
