I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
