I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize