I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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