I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
