we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
