Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
