escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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