I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
