you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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