she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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