She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
