Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize