glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
