Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
