just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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