Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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