His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
