I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So vagazzling was a success
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
