Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
