He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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