I'm lost and stupid without you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
