Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize