I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
