we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
