What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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