Pappa wants mamma naked
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
