Where is the hickey?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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