i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
