i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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