Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
