he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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