i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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