thus making me awesome and them whores
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
