is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just gift wrapped bread.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
