first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
