She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
