You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
