Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
