Just fell off a train. Bad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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