I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Operation Purity has been aborted
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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