proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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