So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
