I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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