Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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