I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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