the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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