I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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