all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
