im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
