wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
