well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
