I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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