so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
