I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
