My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
