The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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