So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
