At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
