the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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