Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
