Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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