My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
