There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
