I smell stomach acid.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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