Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
