This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
