on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
