she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This is the high leading the old right now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
