It was confusing and full of hummus
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
