I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
