i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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