So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
