Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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