is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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