Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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