Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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