We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize