It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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