Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
