Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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