I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
